april-thoughts-edit.md

Education

Brogan Hall

Another communication with [XXX]’s name on it. He continues to slander Mary Pat and pass on information that is simply false. I feel such disgust for him. Unlike anything I’ve ever really felt before. He makes it easy to think about leaving.

note from Arthur Levine

“it’s only technology of it’s invented after you were born.” words of a digital age youth.

New Orleans schools

The old has been thrown out. What has taken its place?
Assessment will be more and more formative and less summative.
Obama education agenda : data, testing, charters, accountability,… It’s the same as Republicans. Difference: Republicans bash unions in public, Democrats do it in private
I find myself so resistant to his vision. Cynical about the “reform” on the horizon.

10 research session

• Reduction in number of men teachers - especially in 10-14 y/o
• dramatic reduction of scores by minorities if name and race goes on paper before taking vs doing after taking. Living into stereotypes. Intervention to overcome stereotypes.
• social psychology
• Robert K. Merton for source of eg terms : unintended consequence,

‘founded the sociology of science. Merton developed notable concepts such as “unintended consequences”, the “reference group”, and “role strain” but is perhaps best known for having created the terms “role model” and “self-fulfilling prophecy”’Wikipedia

• reference to research that “broke behaviorism”

keynote speaker,

Cf. New York times columns in math by Stephen Strogatz. Book about his high school calculus teacher. Joy of x

To answer questions that one would never ask, is really boring.

math and music
See Dropbox files and link.

3 kinds of means:

• arithmetic
• harmonic
• geometric?

Generating from c octave: g, f

Move

What makes me cautious about sharing our news, e.g. with Dick? In part it is the sadness in saying goodbye. Is there any part of me that thinks he would disapprove? I don’t think so. Is there some part of this where I have let myself down? Been untrue to myself?
There is Joyce and her talk about Washington DC being a like a foreign land.

saying goodbye

Both of us are so aware. Both of us have emotionally let go of much. Both of us are sad to leave Hawaii. ## Dick Hubbard
Those who get it (Mary Magdalene) and those who don’t (male disciples) all run because of the one whom they have met. Amongst doubters, I am sometimes surprised when I realize that I have met a one who is mightier than I for sure, but mightier than the universe itself to be sure, one who reflects the awesome power of the moon and stars, arrayed against the sky like a tapestry or a wedding garment or an infinite mirror into the heart of things. But even more, I am brought to me knees when I recognize him in the forlorn eyes of a beggar, the shock and ecstasy of a woman who, after 39 years, is able to hear for the first time, and in the steady faith of a child who is prepared to sacrifice and suffer for the sake of his dying friend. Oh the impudence of one who would use “shock and awe” to name a war, but fail again and again to break open the alabaster jar. I bow before the anointed one.

Spiritual Direction

visit with dick

This is the first time I have seen him since October. I scarcely know how to begin.
It was really all I could do to catch him up to the bare bones of what has happened in the last 5 months. He was especially interested to know how my relationship in the Episcopal Church was. So we talked about the Dean and how the funeral was interesting. He wanted to know what I meant by interesting. And that lead to telling him the story about being willing to bury anyone. He found that to be attractive in a way not unlike Mary Pat like about me. I shared the story about the name of the rose.
Then briefly about Chaminade. In the end because my pension will cover housing I am able to be open to finding what God is calling me to. That is exciting he said. He has a directory listing of spiritual directors throughout the country and he will be able to help out. He reminded that he has had email directing lasting for upwards of a year. And made reference to Teresa and John of the Cross Corresponding for years at a time.

Dream

Mary Pat and I were both at some kind of faculty gathering. It was Winthrop personalities and ear at an older home. Sort of like the Jesuit house at South Bend. Suddenly a figure shirt off like Helen Turner came around the corner completely naked and nobody blinked an eye. Then Beth did the same thing. I wanted to look but was embarrassed.

Joyce

A homeless person sleeping outside the door way. Broken glass on the sliding door still there. Joyce was looking at a handbook on grief. At the end she said that she would be interested in hearing my feedback. Its a certification process she will be leading a group intended for various congregations.
We talked about the conflict anticipated for the move. And intentionality is the word. Together with no waiting our own needs and feelings. As a suggestion for the division of what goes and what stays. we could make an inventory and each of us go through separately deciding what we need to keep and can let go up. This was reflecting on my recognition got the conversation about whether to sell or not was now over.
We also talked about the conflict we had last week. We recognize that conflict for us isn’t loud but lived in silence and distance. How to overcome it has to do with intentionality and meeting needs.
Her suggestions included setting aside time for us to be alone, eating separately, going for a walk together, et cetera.
Lastly, she is suggesting that I become aware, meditate on, the way in which this in between time is a pregnant and positive time. In contrast to the time of the last few years. The way you live your days is the way you live your life.
—Annie Dillard

To Dick Hubbard,

Thank you for the link. It only took me about 10 years to find you. Maybe my discernment ears are better attuned since getting hearing aids. Yesterday we spoke with a retired cleric, living in Hawai’i Kai, who is from the Carolinas. It was encouraging to me thinking about the flexibility of listening to what God could be calling me to without the static of having to provide a family’s living. Then, again, that’s a mark of how God speaks to us, in kitchen duties etc. We were at a workshop by the grand daughter of Dorothy Day. It made me think about how profoundly she has been one of my life’s mentors and models. To see Christ in all persons - unequivocally. The principles of Catholic Worker movement: 1) radical hospitality,  2) voluntary poverty, and 3) pacifism and non-violent. I’ve fallen short in all three, but have kept them before me for almost 50 years.
Shalom,
Dale

northumbria

Their rule of life is ultra simple. That is really provocative to me.

• availability (to call, discernment, a kind of obedience?)
• vulnerability (willingness to learn and change, humility, god isn’t done with me yet)

Emma

Should I join Pinterest? Tami S, Christine, Lisa Swanson are on it

Reflection

Preaching Healing

This morning’s mass had another reading from John about healing on the Sabbath. Mary Pat said I did good. She said the same thing about my little meditation from two weeks ago. It’s so good to have her with me.

I’ll Finish the Dishes When I’m Dead1

Entire hours evaporated while I did stuff that “needed to get done.” But once I’d done it, I couldn’t tell you what it was I had done or why it seemed so important. I felt like the Red Queen of Through the Looking Glass on speed, running as fast as I could — usually on the fumes of four or five hours of sleep — and getting nowhere. Like the dream I kept having about trying to run a race wearing ski boots

Time - Change - Celebrate

A poem of Gregory Norbert, Weston Priory quoted from “Celtic Daily Prayer”2

A time to gather, a time to reap
the fruits we’ve planted, hoping to bear peace.
The seeds have fallen so many months ago:
the harvest of our life will come.
In tenderness is life’s beauty known;
and as we listen the morning star will shine.
The days go by; why not let them be filled
with new and surprising joys.
A time for kneading love’s leaven well,
to open up and go beyond ourselves;
and as we reach for this moment, we know
that love is a gift born in care.
A time for hoping and being still,
to go on turning away from brittle fear.
A time to come back with all of one’s heart
and bending to another’s call.
This is our journey through forests tall;
our paths may differ; and yet among them all
life’s dreams and visions sustain us on our way,
as loving gives birth to joy, gives birth to joy.

last night Roots

Waking to news that the world is quickly becoming immune to antibiotics across a wide range of bacteria. It is a threat not unlike goal warming. I think, “What are we doing?” Why can’t people see? And it’s really like what was portrayed in the film last night. Even as cautious as the portrayal was - the urine, excrement, and vomit that must have covered the slaves in their transit was only suggested - There was, nevertheless, a breathtaking power that left me wondering, “How can humans be so cruel? Why do we compromise ourselves into perdition??

Common Prayer

April 4 Martin Luther King Jr.

When one loves one longs to be for ever in converse with him one loves, or at least to be always in his sight. Prayer is nothing else. This is what prayer is: intimate intercourse with the Beloved. You look at Him; you tell Him of your love; you are happy at His feet; you tell Him you will live and die there. 

–Charles de Foucault

dream

I meet someone and found out he was a Jesuit. I asked if he knew Simon Harak. He said yes and went on to say that they both had had cancer.
Later with this person I met, I went to some kind of weird urban stove or energy source. It was where one went for radiation for the cancer. I had some kind of interest in it. Did I think I had cancer too? Some kind of force of narrative was getting in the way of me (us) getting there. Paul Waddell (?) figured too.

Hennessey

To be caught up in the maw of war machine. Yeats’ vortex.

flying into Los Angeles

Sitting in the lounge, I feel luxury. I look at Mary Pat and I smile and take delight.
In the conference center she looks so beautiful

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

http://www.dbonhoeffer.org/Biography.html

From his biography:

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a theologian, a pastor, a spiritual writer, a musician, and an author of fiction and poetry. The integrity of his Christian faith and life, and the international appeal of his writings, have received broad recognition and admiration, all of which has led to a consensus that he is one of the theologians of his time whose theological reflections might lead future generations of Christians into creating a new more spiritual and responsible millennium.Official Web site

writing about last night

I walked the street with you while the howls above
Took delight in women showing their bodies
For those who look to see.
Live Sex advertised on doorways
Suggested that love might be found within.
I found love within, as with words that caressed to tittilation
Made their way to embrace, to “Ah” that leads to awe
That love found me.

on reading in the morning

Etty Hillesum, An Interrupted Life Wikipedia

All this from a strange link from Hauerwas 3

The above seven passages make little sense if the God question is put aside. Yeats's dream is illusion, Stevens's quiet is non-noise, O'Connor's preacher man is a con, Bergman's David is playing word games, Cisneros's prayers are superstitions, Alyosha's change of heart is a mood-swing, and Stevens's "spirit" honorific rhetoric. Etty's Spier should be ashamed of himself for lending an otherwise honest mind to ancient hocus-pocus. Of course, a theological approach to these moments can flatten them out as fully as the non-theological approach; and a non-theological approach then leads to other ways to make the passages interesting, through deconstruction, through political interpretation, through a feminist analysis, etc. But my argument is that if we are not able somehow to keep the God question open, we are poor readers, because the question is open for the writers we study. 

The title of the article is The Need for a Religious Literary Criticism by Dennis Taylor in a publication from Boston College. Hauerwas was attracted to Frank Lentricchia because of his “naturally abrasive character” but the point in the narrative was about how he came to an awareness of God in his life (I think). The names from this article and the bibliography read like a listing from my library and the works I have read. What to do with this? Finding my voice? Last night telling Fr. Tim of the possible subject of a dissertation was in fact energizing for me.

Holy Week

exchange with spiritual director

We have finally arrived at Palm Sunday
 [A Planned Political Demonstration]
Arriving in Jerusalem from the East:
Jesus riding on a colt [as per Zech 9:9]
Heralded “Son of God” and Lord of the
Kingdom of God [Distributive Justice]
Arriving in Jerusalem from the West:
Pilate riding on a War Horse representing Caesar
Heralded “son of god” and lord of the
Kingdom of Rome [Punitive Justice]
And so a week of political confrontation with the Roman rulers and the collaborative temple priests begins with Jesus as the new Way.
A week stressing the Way of peace through justice for ALL versus peace through power and violence.
A week initially appearing as a victory for power but resulting in the end as a victory for justice and the Way.
Lord, Grace me with an open heart and an open mind to all that will happen this Holy Week. Amen.
Have a blessed and reflective Holy Week.

---

Thank you, Dick,
Mary Pat and I are returning home today from a week long conference in New Orleans. Our Preparation for holy week included a couple walks through the French Quarter, too much food, and a delightful evening of Blues and jazz. Not exactly the kind of justice about which you write. There were, however, a handful of encounters that were so serendipitous and felicitous for our emerging journey to South Carolina, that they have to be counted as God-given. Blessings and God’s stamp be upon you.
Dale

Holy Week Monday

Anxiety from sleep over the newness of what we will face in our new home.

• will I still have a sense of who I am?
• will Mary Pat develop relationships that will supplant ours?
• how will I spend my days?
• where are my friends? Maybe it’s okay if my life is called to contemplation and writing?

from Northumbria

*Romans 11:33-36 MSG*

Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes.

from Charles de Foucault

All created beauty. all beauty of nature. the beauty of the sunset, of the sea lying like a mirror beneath the blue sky, of the dark forest. of the garden of flowers. of the mountains and the great spaces of the desert. of the snow and the ice, the beauty of a rare soul reflected in a beautiful face, all these beauties are but the palest reflection of Yours, my God. All that has ever charmed my eyes in this world is but the poorest, the humblest reflection of Your infinite beauty.

Dick Hubbard

As they leave the temple on their way home for the day, Jesus foretells of the temple’s destruction and his return.
Finally the day ends with Mark’s “Little Apocalypse.” [Mk 13: 5-37]
The message from the Tuesday marathon is clear: Be Alert! Stay Awake! Watch!
Still pertinent today!
Lord, help me to do so.
Dick

Maundy Thursday

to Dick

We were privileged to have been at a seder on Monday as guests of A Jewish family keeping Passover. Rich in connections all by itself. But in the context of Maundy Thursday even more so.
Host and Guest, I’ve learned, both share in the dance, each a sacred partner in an act that sometimes has life and death consequences. To wake each day with the question, “How can I love today?” is a new source of life that sometimes leads to the cross. The public life (any) is so filled with accusation and condemnation. I weary of it sometimes. The public life of the cross (any) may sometimes feel like the other, but always in the end has a chorus, eschewed in Lent, “Alleluia.” Dale

from Dick

Thursday of Holy Week The start of the Triduum … Maundy Thursday
As you probably know, the term “Maundy” Thursday is based on John’s story and comes from the Latin word for Mandate and The New Commandment Jesus gives his followers [John 13:34]:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Holy Thursday is full of drama!
In the evening, Jesus eats a final meal with his followers, prays for deliverance in Gethsemane; he is betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and abandoned by the rest of his disciples. Arrested in the darkness, he is then interrogated and condemned to death by the high priest and his council, the local collaborators with imperial authority.
All this happens before daybreak on Friday.
When it comes to Jesus’s last gathering with the disciples, there is a significant difference between Mark’s version [nine verses] and that of John who devotes five chapters [13-17].
Mark [as well as Matthew & Luke] describes the Last Supper where John has the foot washing.
Then it’s on to Gethsemane and the ultimate example for us of trust and surrender: “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Another example for us is Peter’s triple denial, which assures us that we are all human and capable of less than perfect behavior. What a relief!
Now the “Jewish Trial of Jesus” in front of the temple authorities [the high priest, all the chief priests, the elders and the scribes] who did NOT represent the Jews but were the Roman collaborators and would be the only folks eligible to be within the inner courtyard of Pilate, where we will meet them again tomorrow.
Sentenced to death by the temple authorities, we now wait for dawn to meet Pilate.
Lord, help me to love one another and start each morning prayer with, “not what I will, but what you will.” Amen.
Dick
ps: Thank you for being there to share my reflections of Holy Week. dh

Good Friday

I remember the cross out in the woods near Nashotah House. Some of the overly pious seminarians made their way to bow before it on A Good Friday afternoon. I had never experienced that kind of thing before and didn’t know what to make of it. It was part of my own development that led to the emotional power I feel when I kiss the cross at the veneration on this day. A part of my coming to affirm that really it’s all about giving voice to the silent, giving expression to the mere symbolic, in flesh and blood. I think like the preacher said last night, “We are to be eucharist to one another.” Flesh and blood. Gratitude. Blessing. # Holy Saturday

“Sunday’s coming”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YByT6wfdhJs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Or Campolo doing a riff on “Sunday’s comin’”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcbKWT10z34&feature=youtube_gdata_player

empty space between

Yes it’s coming. But it ain’t here yet. There’s a gap in my soul big enough to chug on through and it’s dark and fearsome in there. Watching the film The Robe last night, the watchword for Marcellus the Tribune that redemption had happened was, “They weren’t afraid.” I have often thought I’m not suitably afraid in the quiet of Holy Saturday. I haven’t gone deep enough, I think. Or there’s something missing in me. But then I’m reminded it’s only Saturday. Sunday’s coming!

Personal message

An Easter Love Story

Oh, please, tell us the story,
We love to hear the story.
“Millions and millions of cats …”
“Not that one. Another one.”
“Once upon a time” is the way I used to tell what I called
The Story. It’s the one that begins in some versions,
“In the beginning …”
But we all know that the good stories begin,
“Once upon a …” So,
“Once upon an Easter eve
A tired priest was on his way home
When he asked a woman to keep him company
Over a simple meal at Zippy’s.
She said, “No, but maybe you could eat here.”
He did. And some days later they kissed.
The way I used to tell The Story, it ended,
Again the way good stories end, with,
“The Prince and Princess married and lived happily ever after.”
They did get married, some time later,
The priest and his bride.
It’s a good story. Both stories.
The priest and his bride haven’t finished their story,
God hasn’t finished with us, yet,
And God really isn’t finished with The Story either.
It is, then, somewhat breathless that our story
is bound up with The Story such that
One can’t be told without the other.
It’s no idle talk to say, “I needed you.”
I needed you to find my way
To hearing the Hagaddah told the way it should be told,
Among God’s people, God’s chosen, wondering and wrangling
Over, “Why is it, God, given the way you’ve treated us,
You couldn’t have chosen someone else for just a little while?”
We know, and they know, he did, of course. Over and over again,
Rwanda, March of Tears, the streets of Calcutta.
God chooses over and over again.
Our story, like all good stories everywhere,
And God’s story in particular,
Must be told over and over again.
When I say, “I love you,” before the sun rises,
(Metaphorically speaking),
It is like God, when he made the light and said,
“It is good.” It is good, day after day,
That the priest and his bride
Should share the meal and kiss.
The Lord is Risen! “I love you.”
Your husband.

dream

Pretty vivid as I tossed and turned in the morning hours. Probably a result of the cold and medication. Mary Pat and I were engaged with something - like school? Like our dinner party last night? She went off somewhere and when she returned she had seen something or heard something and she was furious with me. Her look reminded me of the profound rejection I got from bridget. I was scared and didn’t know what to do with it. Her eagerness to kiss Gary? Her sorrow at saying goodbye? When I asked her she was vague, but I thought probably was Gary (and others). I’m frightened of all the times she says, “I shouldn’t have said anything.” I have felt minimized:

• at quiet morning
• with Dan Benedict
• when she asked me to show off the Chromecast and then took over because I want doing it right.

Get over it Dale. Your mother was glad to hear from you while feeling sad. Miriam loves you.

sermon at ewa beach

Gary made the connection I had suggested between Thomas Sunday and the canonization of John 23 and John Paul 2. He said the obvious that Francis is acting the pacemaker in choosing both of them. I was cynical in thinking it was the conservatives who through a sop to the liberals in order to get John Paul fast tracked. Gary connected it to Thomas whom I want to rehabilitate to a position of importance, not just a kind of condescension. I had thought in terms of Jesus responding with special understanding to one he especially loves, that and the real live flesh thing is as important as the eating fish thing.
From Gray’s view, Jesus was acting the same as Francis, as a pacemaker and reconciler. Thomas’ absence had created division and Jesus bridged it.

Lydia and Emma,

I don’t want you to be left out of the loop, so I want you to know about the upcoming changes for me. I will be leaving Hawaii in July and moving to South Carolina. I would love to tell to you about it.
Love,
Dad

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1. http://www.bc.edu/publications/relarts/supplements/excerpts/v1-1taylor2.html ↩
2. http://www.indybikehiker.com/2009/10/time-to-gather.html ↩
3. http://www.bc.edu/publications/relarts/supplements/excerpts/v1-1taylor2.html ↩